‘I owe my success to having listened respectfully to the very best advice, and then going away and doing the exact opposite.’
G K Chesterton
Recently I watched a program interviewing 3 working mothers. It was the response of one of them that intrigued me. She stated her two older children had sought professional jobs and she was thrilled. However, her youngest son’s decision to open a joint strip club and car wash was unexpected. It was her reply to his career choice, which moved me. She was not overwhelmed with his career choice, however she accepted that this was his choice. She trusted him implicitly to do the right thing and hoped for her sake he would open a classy strip club.
Her decision to support her son in his career choice irrespective of her own judgements and views impressed me. She had absolute faith and confidence in her parenting skills and trusted her son to manage the club wisely.
As parents letting go is critical to their success as adults. Suffocating them with our judgements and limitations does nothing to encourage their independence and development. They will find their own limitations, burdening them with ours simply increases the restrictions.
Allow our children to make the right choices for themselves. Granted the choices may not be our preferred options but we have to respect that it is now their life. Confidence in our parenting skills and instilling values we hold precious should steer them to make the correct career choices. Should they select an alternative path, as parents, support is what they seek. They will receive a barrage of criticisms and negativity from others who when advising are subjective in their opinion.
No two people are destined to lead the same life and no individual should be compelled to live the life of another.
Showing posts with label choices. Show all posts
Showing posts with label choices. Show all posts
23 July 2009
05 June 2009
To Give Your 10cents Or Not...
“The true secret of giving advice is, after you have honestly given it, to be perfectly indifferent whether it is taken or not, and never persist in trying to set people right.” Hannah Whitall Smith
A friend of mine recently informed me of her decision to change career paths. I knew it was inevitable, as she had always been inclined to follow this path. However, I subsequently learned that she had decided to forgo her decision as it had met with her mother’s disapproval. I was bitterly disappointed since I knew my friend was passionate about her new venture.
My friend’s mother insisted I advise my friend against pursuing her chosen career path because she thought it was unacceptable for her daughter. I replied that I was unable to do this as her daughter was an adult and fully capable of making her own choices. I also stated that the decisions she (her mother) thought were correct might not necessarily be appropriate for her daughter.
I was completely dumbfounded by the situation. My friend was willing to forgo her happiness and chosen career path to satisfy her mother. Although I had explained my point of view to my friend’s mother, I chose not to elaborate my view to my friend. My friend seemed adamant with her decision and therefore I thought not to give my 10 cents worth. However, it bothers me that her mother still controls her daughter’s life and worst still her daughter allows it. As much as it angered me I felt that it was not my place to get involved seeing as both parties had adjusted to the outcome.
People’s choices for happiness are completely personal and therefore I struggle when others interfere stating it is wrong or unsuitable because what they are actually saying is that choice is improper for them! As a parent, I hope to instil good values and encourage independence in my children and acknowledge that eventually they will be responsible for their own choices. To constantly interfere in the decisions my children make as adults, would cease to allow them to grow and expand and to jeopardise their happiness is something I wish not to be accountable for.
A friend of mine recently informed me of her decision to change career paths. I knew it was inevitable, as she had always been inclined to follow this path. However, I subsequently learned that she had decided to forgo her decision as it had met with her mother’s disapproval. I was bitterly disappointed since I knew my friend was passionate about her new venture.
My friend’s mother insisted I advise my friend against pursuing her chosen career path because she thought it was unacceptable for her daughter. I replied that I was unable to do this as her daughter was an adult and fully capable of making her own choices. I also stated that the decisions she (her mother) thought were correct might not necessarily be appropriate for her daughter.
I was completely dumbfounded by the situation. My friend was willing to forgo her happiness and chosen career path to satisfy her mother. Although I had explained my point of view to my friend’s mother, I chose not to elaborate my view to my friend. My friend seemed adamant with her decision and therefore I thought not to give my 10 cents worth. However, it bothers me that her mother still controls her daughter’s life and worst still her daughter allows it. As much as it angered me I felt that it was not my place to get involved seeing as both parties had adjusted to the outcome.
People’s choices for happiness are completely personal and therefore I struggle when others interfere stating it is wrong or unsuitable because what they are actually saying is that choice is improper for them! As a parent, I hope to instil good values and encourage independence in my children and acknowledge that eventually they will be responsible for their own choices. To constantly interfere in the decisions my children make as adults, would cease to allow them to grow and expand and to jeopardise their happiness is something I wish not to be accountable for.
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